I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
