so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
