so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
