Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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