I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
