You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
