So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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