I think im going to throw up on grandma
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
