I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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