Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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