I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
