I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
