As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
