God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
