More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
