The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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