we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
