your parents love me but you hate me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
