sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
