All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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