Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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