and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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