I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
