I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize