We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
