Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
