Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
