Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize