I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
