Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
