My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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