made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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