my vag is so smooth its legendary
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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