so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I faked an abortion last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
