I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
