Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need to sanitize my soul.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
