They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
