The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
