I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
