Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
