I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
