yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
