a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
