Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize