On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
