I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
