I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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