Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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