now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
