Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
