I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
