4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
