Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
