Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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