Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
