Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
