I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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