Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
smell my finger.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
