You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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