why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
