how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
