last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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