I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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