I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
