his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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