During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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