he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
