I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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