what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
