awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dignity is for republicans.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
