put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
