she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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