You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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