I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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