I'm going to jail i love you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize